Monday, March 11, 2013

How to kill your marriage in 5 easy steps...


Our wedding....and us now!!
     My hunky man and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary 
in just a couple of days, and while I'm very aware that to many, that is still a baby marriage, 
to many its something to celebrate.  
    
     I am lucky enough to be married to a man that after 10 years, I know love him more than I did on the day we said "I do".   I will mention that we were both terrified on our wedding day, and the road to where we are now has had many speed bumps.  Better yet, I should say there have been times where even if divorce were not an option, smothering him in the middle of the night with my pillow was a definite possibility. (and I'm sure he would echo that same sentiment)  There were times when I asked God why he let me marry this person (like it was His fault) and other times crying into my pillow thinking our marriage was a sham.  We had seasons of great disappointment, discouragement  and frustration...but by the grace of God, and both of us finally pulling our heads out of our butts, things are not perfect, but amazing!  I'm hoping that you will indulge me as I  share with you a few of the things we have learned, but today because I'm feeling just a bit sassy, I'm going to give  you the...

{5 easy steps you can take 
to kill your marriage}

1} Be serious.  I'm talking NEVER have fun. Never joke, tease, play, wrestle, pinch each others butts, or smile.

2} Never apologize, and certainly never forgive. 

3} Expect more from your spouse than you do from yourself.

4} Expect your spouse to fill you and make you happy.

5} Put your needs above theirs.

There you go.  Thats it.  Marriage dead.

     I have read almost every marriage book, been to many seminars, and sat through many sermons on marriage.  But what I have come to realize is that when you have 1 or 2 people being selfish in a marriage, it wont ever REALLY work.  Look at the list above, and add your own, and you will see that most marriage killers are based around selfishness.    
      What if instead of trying to get the other person to love us the way we think we need in order to "feel loved",  we just loved them...what if instead of pounding into them what we are lacking in the marriage, we poured into them.  What if instead of holding grudges, we forgave.  What if instead of walking around all grouchy to make a point that we are miserable, we gave long hugs in the hallway, or ran to the door when they got home.  What if we said we were sorry, even if it was only for something small?  And here is the big one....what if

~WE EXPECTED LITTLE FROM OUR SPOUSE 
AND DEMANDED MUCH OF OURSELVES~

     Here is when it changed for us.  I was getting close to giving up on actually having a beautiful marriage when it hit me.  What if we both stopped talking about what WE needed as individuals, and came up with what we needed as a COUPLE.  The conversation almost backfired in the middle of it when we dove back into our selfishness...but we made it.  What we ended up with was a "contract" if you will.  A list that we came up with that we BOTH needed to work on to make our marriage great.  We made 2 copies, signed them, and we keep them on our nightstands as a constant reminder of the commitment we made. So here it is...
   It looks stupidly simple as I read through it for the 113th time, but this has changed our lives.  Share this post with your spouse if you would like and make your own list, but no matter what, if you want to dramatically change your marriage, you both have to leave out the "I need more sex" or "I need you to communicate".  Selfishness is childish, and when we got married, we all decided to be adults.  
     One last thing, our pastor reminded us of a really important thing today..."you can't change your actions without changing your thoughts.  In order to change our behavior, you must change your thinking"...So make sure that when you make your list, you read over it daily, and really let it change your mind!!!   We even had to remind each other a few times!  But it is oh so worth it ;)

BLESSINGS TO ALL OF YOU AND YOUR MARRIAGES!   GENA
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