Friday, June 22, 2012

OMG I WILL NEVER... Linz Style


Let me just say I was the MOST annoying “pre-mom” and “first time mom” on the face of the planet. Seriously, I was full of things my kids would never do… AND when our oldest was three months old I actually told my husband I don’t know why people think being a parent is so hard. (Uhhh…maybe because he wasn’t mobile or verbal yet you idiot!!!)

Here are my top 5 most annoying “NEVERS” ever…Drumroll please…


1) I WILL NEVER COOK MORE THAN ONE MEAL…if you’re a picky eater…you’ll have to starve. Now, I’m sure there are good moms who can stick to their guns on this rule…but I am not one of them. I cook anywhere from 2-4 meals three times a day most days. I should clarify that my kids are on the GFCF diet AND God blessed me with not only the pickiest kids on earth but also kids with the worst gagg reflexes ever…thank you for that one. Sawyer has thrown up in his plate more than once …sometimes he gags just looking at food. And the whole starving method only works if you can put up with hours of whining crying and tantruming … I can’t - so I will cook!

2) MY KIDS WON’T WATCH TV…. ahahahhhahahahahahahahahahahaha ….. ahahhahahahahahahahah…. excuse me, I mean hmmm…yeah right. TV is my best friend simply because it’s the only thing that can paralyze and mesmerize my children for more than 10 minutes…the only time I get to go to the bathroom by myself is when the kids are sucked into curious george or shawn the sheep. Do they watch too much?? Absolutely…Am I going to do anything about it in the near future?? Uhhh not likely. Don’t judge…try it, you’ll like it…all of your friends are doing it:):)

3) I WON’T ALLOW SIBLING RIVALRY… I wish I could go back in time and slap myself for that one… ALL my children do (besides watch TV:)) is FIGHT…not just arguing or screaming at each other either… things usually end with someone being punched, hit, bit or bludgeoned with a golf club…they’re furocious… And they’re all under 8 … ohhh mamas got a long road ahead of her!


4) MY KIDS WILL NEVER JUST RUN WILD AT HOME OR IN PUBLIC…seriously my mom used to say, “I just can’t have nice things”...I decided yesterday my line is “I just can’t have things!” because they destroy everything!! Sawyer didn’t earn the nickname “SAWYER THE DESTROYER” for nothing. They are all three animals…AN-I-MALS! Last week sawyer pulled down his pants and peed in front of dinner guests WHILE we were eating diner on the patio!!

5) I WILL NEVER TAKE MY KIDS INTO PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE TRASH… Not that we venture into public often…but I will tell you it’s rare to have teeth brushed, shoes on, hair done and nothing sticky on faces when we leave the house. I had a friend post on facebook that she and her husband had done what they said they would never do…they took their children into town looking totally dirty and trashy…I told her it gets easier after the first time and earlier that day we went to the store shoeless because my kids just didn’t feel like putting them on:) Ohhh so classy!

What are some of your “NEVERS”? We want to hear from you…



New To The EMM Blog?
Just in case you're new around here I thought I'd introduce myself.... I'm the scattered crazy Earth Monkey Mom Lindsay:) And this is my family. My kids never have clean faces, my house is usually a mess and I always have 3-15 loads of unfolded laundry sitting on my couch. My family just received an Extreme Home Makeover and it's crazier than ever here! I post on Fridays and we're glad you're here and we hope you'll stick around... More than anything we want you to know that none of us have it all together... and wether your kids are 40 or 4 you're not alone in your journey through motherhood!



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