Tuesday, June 18, 2013
On Being a Mama.....
I never pictured myself as a boy Mom. Mostly because I had a little sister who was almost 9 years younger than me aka my very own baby doll. From the moment she was born I doted on her. She didn't get to choose her own outfits until she was like 8 and I often dolled her up and posed her for pictures. I mean, wouldn't you?
We were a house of Barbies and dolls and pretend classrooms. Things were pink and smelled yummy and our Mom was our best friend. Naturally, since this is all I had known I pictured myself with several girls and a boy thrown in there to protect his sisters.
The only thing I mourned when we found out Jack was a boy was the clothes. I mean, yes boy clothes are better than they were but still….girls are just way more fun to dress. I was excited about this boy thing and the challenge and mystery that lie ahead.
I fell hard. Jack slayed me from the moment I held him. I was totally gone. Two years later and we found out we were expecting two more boys. I was not surprised, I expected it. I recognized that I would forever be the Queen of the house and the first woman they loved. I reveled in the thought.
Plus, I knew that while the early years would be busy and dirty and require several ER visits…when Jr. High hit and my friends with girls were pulling their hair out for the next several years, dealing with drama and hormones and "friend issues" I would just be dealing with stinky feet and peach fuzz. Yes…that sounded like a good tradeoff.
I am continually fascinated by these three boys. Since I am not a boy and had no brother’s, I am in awe watching them grow and develop. Boys and girls are very different. Even from the earliest days.
My three boys jumping off tables and playing in the sink at the nursery, while the girls sit quietly at the table eating snack. Running in opposite directions and the park and finding dirt like they have a radar for it while the girls quietly swing and slowly walk down the stairs to safety
(now, I recognize this is not always the case, but it’s mostly always the case)
They think differently, they process differently, they need differently.
Every day is a new adventure.
For them and for me.
Every day is a new adventure.
For them and for me.
I think about how I have this incredible responsibility, to show them what a woman really is. I get to show them what respecting their Daddy looks like, with my actions and my words. I get to show them what walking in faith and not fear looks like and what it means to be a woman of God.
I love when Jack walks into the kitchen as I have my Bible out and am journaling my prayers. I pray one day he will remember that Mommy was in the word and that she lived out what she taught.
The days now are long and full of stinky diapers, messy toilet seats, dirty fingers, sticky floors and exhaustion.
But I am no fool, and I know that in the blink of an eye they will be young men who are learning what this world is about, and who to listen to. Right now, Jack asks an insane amount of questions, but in a few short years he may not care for my opinion. He may look elsewhere for answers and I’ll be darned if I turn him away now.
But I am no fool, and I know that in the blink of an eye they will be young men who are learning what this world is about, and who to listen to. Right now, Jack asks an insane amount of questions, but in a few short years he may not care for my opinion. He may look elsewhere for answers and I’ll be darned if I turn him away now.
As much as my head can spin with the questions,
I tell him to always ask and I will always listen.
The three of them crawl up into my lap and whisper “I love yous” because they hear me say it often.
I kiss the owies and learn to not hover. Boys need space and freedom and adventure. They need to jump off from high places and run wild and fall and get up again. They need air and mystery and a challenge.
I don’t want to be the Mom that put a lid on their boyhood because I was afraid and didn't understand. I don’t want to be the helicopter Mom who doesn't let them venture far out of my selfish fear. As much as my Mama heart wants to protect and keep them safe, I know I cannot protect them from all that is out there. I get on my knees and pray to the only One who can really protect them. Trusting Him with their lives and recognizing that they are not mine. They are His.
Whether or not you are a boy Mama, we all can be aware that soon these little babes will leave our nests, and while the days are long the years are short and to hold each moment close. In a blink their world will be filled with voices and opinions that may be opposite of what you have taught them. They will begin to choose for themselves who to listen to and who to seek advice from.
Your availability to listen now will directly impact their desire to come to you in the future.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Meal Planning 101
This question came into my in box recently, and I know that Mrs A is not alone in her quandary:
This momma has recently been making just about every excuse in the book so that I will not have to make dinner each night ("it's too late to start something", "the kids' activities went too late", "I'm not feeling very well," etc, etc). So we've, unfortunately, gotten into a bit of a habit where most weeknights we opt for the the quick, easy & fast meals... which typically means fast food, processed food & not so good for you food about 4-5 nights a week :/
I KNOW that I need to just kick my booty into gear & start meal-planning, but I'm just not finding the time & motivation to do it. Do you have any ideas? Or some good resources out there that provide motivation AND wholesome, family-friendly recipes & meal planning ideas?
To help me with this one I asked a friend I've connected with over the interwebby. EA Stewart is a Registered Dietitian who lives in San Diego. She has a lovely website and blog, and has amazing recipes, tips and ideas. She offers private nutrition counselling and coaching and does group nutrition presentations and parties. You can find her here
While EA is certainly an expert in her field with a wealth of knowledge gained from her higher education, what really makes her so approachable and straight-shooting, is the fact that she is a Mom. She is a busy working Mom. She knows the challenges facing parents today - she's living it too, she's in the trenches with the rest of us....so this is what she has to say to Mrs A, and to you......
My first recommendation is for this Momma to take a deep breath and give herself a big pat on the back for wanting to feed her family a nutritious diet-that’s the first step :-) After that, I recommend a gradual, “small” steps approach in order to work towards creating lasting changes. Have the mama write down her goal(s), along with action steps for achieving these goals, then pick 1 or 2 action steps to focus on each week. Keep these goal(s) and actions posted somewhere for the whole family to see.
Example:
Goal: My family and I will eat a healthy, well balanced diet consisting of whole, minimally processed foods 85 % of the time.
Action Steps {Add 1-2 new action steps each week until goal is met}
1. At least 1 fruit and or vegetable will be offered with each meal and snack.
2. The kids will pick 1 meal to help cook 2 times/month. {See cookbook recommendations below.}
3. I will take one Saturday or Sunday to plan out my dinner menu for the week. {I love using Pinterest to plan out my meals, then I use Zip list for my shopping list on my I phone, but a simple pen/paper method works well too!}
4. I will put together a “healthy staples” list to pin to my pantry door, so the family can check off what freezer, fridge, pantry items need re-stocking each week.
5. As a family, we will come up with at least 5 healthy EASY dinner ideas we all like. We will post this list in the kitchen and make sure we always keep the items stocked to make these meals. {My family easy favorites: GF pasta with marinara-jarred is fine~ and grass fed ground beef. Served with salad, steamed broccoli-or other veggie~and fresh fruit. Breakfast for dinner: Scrambled eggs, corn tortillas, grated cheese, avocado, and salsa, plus fresh fruit.}
6. I will pair a “fast food’ or “take out” entrée with fresh fruit and a salad or side of veggies.
7. I will cook a big batch of healthy food {soup, stew, casserole, etc} one weekend day and freeze extras for re-heating another night of the week.
For my families wanting to eat healthier, the number 1 thing I recommend is to focus on having a fruit and/or veggie with every meal and snack to work towards the overall goal of 5 ++++ servings per day, which most people are falling short on. Some simple ways to incorporate more fruits and veggies in the diet include:
Smoothies! {Frozen fruit is just as nutritious as fresh and can be stored in the freezer, for quick and easy smoothies}; Serve raw veggies {carrots, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, and sugar snap peas are all kid friendly} at the beginning of the meal when everyone is “starving” while the rest of the meal is prepared. This is a great way to get more veggies in the diet!
Cooking with Kids and Family Nutrition: http://www.eastewart.com/greatresources/cooking-with-kids-and-family-nutrition/ {I really love both the cookbooks by The Meal Makeover Moms for EASY, HEALTHY dishes with kid friendly appeal!}
Food, Nutrition, and Healthy Cooking: http://www.eastewart.com/great-resources/food-nutrition-and-healthy-cooking/
My own dime's worth:
While a lot of people do meal plan as EA suggests: by looking through recipe books and browsing the internet, and pinterest and then writing out a shopping list and buying according to that, I meal plan a little differently. I do my grocery shopping on a Friday, my weekend chef cooks for us (yep, that would be my darling husband) and then on Sunday I sit down and look in my fridge, freezer and pantry and plan out the following week with what I have there. I find this method is more cost effective as I can buy meat that is on special and work around that.
If you are tempted to buy a meal via a drive through, or dine - in.....how's about this for a wee idea.....dash into your closest supermarket instead, and buy a loaf of fresh bread, a bagged salad and a rotisserie chicken. Hot, fresh and all at the ready, it would cost you approximately a third of what take-out would cost, and it would be a whole lot healthier, plus you may get leftovers, depending on the size of your family.
For EA's amazing weekly meal plans and recipes, follow her on pinterest here.
Now - how about you? What tips and ideas do you have to share? What can you add to this discussion?
(Please feel free to email in your questions for future 'Ask Auntie Fi' posts to: fionacharisbrown@gmail.com)
I am a legal alien in this amazing country (USA). I desire to be the best wife, mother and friend I can be. I love life and I want above all else, to be used by God. I write to encourage you – to be honest with you – to prove that we are not to ‘do this life’ alone. We have much to learn from each other.
You can read more about Fiona and her journey into the light on her blog: A Little Bit Of Honesty.
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Special Needs and Siblings
This parenting gig can be hard work. Even when things are running smoothly, when everyone is well, when you’ve cleared the latest set of hurdles, parenting is still hard hard work. Totally worth it, hugely rewarding and the bonuses are out of this world........but still, hard work.
Last week I received this question from a reader:
I have three children and my two youngest have special needs and so they require a lot of extra time. The time is in doctors appointments spent in Portland, speech therapy appointments, special classes, etc. My oldest is really starting to have a hard time with it. He refuses to accommodate his siblings’ needs. I know this is pretty common among siblings when one has a special need, but I am just not sure how to go about it so that he still respects his siblings and feels special, too. Any suggestions? - C
Isn’t that a good question? I know that Miz C is certainly not alone in this situation. I could have gone to the library and found myself some books that talk about this whole topic, I could have stalked chat rooms and online forums etc, instead I asked a group of Moms who I love and respect and ‘are in the trenches’ as I write.....these Moms are parenting children who fall into the normal categories of.......everything....alongside parenting children who fall outside of the ranges of ‘normal’.....whatever that is.....I asked these Moms how they balance their time with their kids, when the special needs they are dealing with take up a lot of time, and I asked for any advice they could pass on to Miz C. They have some gems to offer:
Heather says:
* Balance IS tough.
* For the most part she includes both her children in the therapy sessions, doctors appointments etc that they have to attend. Therapy becomes a thing that includes both children, and a good doctor will ask for input from the sibling as well as the patient. (This must really foster a ‘team’ spirit, a ‘we’re in this together’ mentality.
* We do set aside time with each child, so they each get special attention.
* We have had some frank discussions with our children, where we have discussed their individual gifts and challenges. We talk about helping each other with their challenges and appreciating their gifts, instead of being jealous. We talk about how unique God makes all of us and how boring or difficult life would be if we were all the same with the same abilities.
* It is worthwhile to identify something that can be unique to each child and make that a special thing for them.
PJ says:
* Take up all offers of help that may come from family, friends, or church members and use that time to spend one on one with your kids. You're not using and abusing those relationships, especially when they are offering to help. It is called the 'body of Christ' for a reason. :-)Vanessa says:
* Set up networks around you, networks of people that can help. Not just physical hands to help - but emotional help for you. There are a lot of support groups on Facebook for example, where you can chat with parents who are facing similar issues, gain ideas from them and know you are not alone.
My own dime’s worth:
Life is busy, yeah? Miz C has three kids and who knows what else on her plate......she could well be having heart palpitations after reading about how good an idea it would be for her to have one on one time with her oldest. Here’s what I would say to her....instead of having this as just another thing to put on the ‘to do’ list, another demand on your life, I’d look at how you could do this naturally, how you could incorporate this into your life as it exists already. It may just come down to being more intentional with those snuck moments of one on one time you already have....time together in the car, moments when you’re walking that child to somewhere, and you’re without your other two kids. Maybe since this is your eldest child, he could have a slightly later bedtime to your others? I don’t think it is about quantity, it is about quality.
As far as having any ideas to encourage your eldest to fully accommodate his siblings’ needs....maybe you could enforce some non-negotiables: tell him that between the hours of x and z, then y behavior is expected from him. Stress that the happiness of your family unit is dependant on his participation during these times, and if it doesn’t happen then there will be consequences. Now if he chooses to not show y behavior outside of those pre-negotiated times, then that is his choice - not ideal - but you’re giving him a little freedom and not having to be the bad cop all day long.
And in the meantime......pray pray pray and praise praise praise the desired behavior when you see it.
And look back and see how far you have come as family, celebrate the victories and milestones reached.
And look back and see how far you have come as family, celebrate the victories and milestones reached.
(Please feel free to email in your questions for future 'Ask Auntie Fi' posts to: fionacharisbrown@gmail.com)
I am a legal alien in this amazing country (USA). I desire to be the best wife, mother and friend I can be. I love life and I want above all else, to be used by God. I write to encourage you – to be honest with you – to prove that we are not to ‘do this life’ alone. We have much to learn from each other.
You can read more about Fiona and her journey into the light on her blog: A Little Bit Of Honesty.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Delightful Dessert Ideas (that just happen to be Dairy and Egg Free)
This week Mrs R happened to send me a little note, requesting some ideas for dairy free and egg free desserts. Having some dietary restrictions myself (I have celiac disease), I know how hard it can be to get some sweet stuff that doesn't cost an arm and a leg, or leave you with a weird aftertaste. And those of us with real dietary restrictions find that dessert is the thing we miss out on the most, the course that is hardest to be fully catered for, so I'm very happy to oblige here with a few ideas.
I set myself the challenge of thinking of some desserts that are:
A. Yummy. Taste is everything.
B. Don't require expensive 'extra' ingredients
C. Don't require expensive 'substitutions' for 'dairy and/ or egg' ingredients.
D. Can be made by the most anti-Martha among us ie. Lindsay. :-)
So.........some desserts that are decidedly delightful and just happen to be dairy free and egg free.....
* Fondue - Most dark chocolates are dairy free. Check the ingredients list though....when dealing with food allergies you become an expert label reader....(major allergen ingredients like soy, wheat, dairy etc are always listed in bold). Melt some dark chocolate and have a selection of fruit and marshmallows ready to dip. You can thin the chocolate with some coconut milk or almond milk if it is too thick for your liking. Great fruits to dip include: fresh pineapple, strawberries, orange segments, kiwi, apricots (dried or fresh), fresh nectarines, and bananas.
* Sorbet - Not just for extremely fancy pantsy dinner parties to be used as palate cleansers...sorbets are a wonderful dessert - full of flavor and it is a lot cheaper to make this at home, than to buy a pint of dairy free ice-cream. Some recipes require an ice-cream maker, others are fine to do completely by hand. A simple google search will set you straight. This link here will start you off with a fine selection of flavours ranging from strawberry-black pepper to lemonade iced tea sorbet.
* Jello - When I was an itty bitty girl my Grandma would make a bowl of jello, but would throw some fruit in it that would set at the top of the jello....it resulted in something quite special and made us kids feel like we were eating a million dollar dessert....A pretty glass bowl with a red jello in it, with a layer of raspberries on top. Magic. Or you could do individual servings if you have pretty little bowls.
* Fruit and Marshmallow kebab sticks. Cut up a selection of fruit into pieces as similar in size as possible and thread onto a kebab stick along with marshmallows. Just beware, those kebab sticks once emptied can quickly become weapons......
* Popcorn cake - yeah this. But just beware - don't use butter coated popcorn in your cake, and substitute the butter in the recipe with df margarine - it will work just as well. I promise. 'Snyder's of Hanover' brand of pretzel sticks are dairy and egg free. As far as candy goes....m and ms are not dairy free, but Skittles are dairy free and egg free.
* Fruit crumble or crisp. A nice option for a wintry night. The Internet is full of recipes for crumbles and crisps...basically you just have a base layer of fruit (canned peaches, or fresh/ frozen blueberries, or apples or pears or whatever. This is then topped with mixture of some kind of flour/ sugar/ spice/ rolled oats mix crumbled together with some shortening. And cooked. No eggs in sight. Here are a few recipes to get you started: Apple or Peach Crisp, Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal Crisp note use the coconut oil option in this recipe, not the butter. Summer Berry Crisp (just swap the butter out for df margarine or shortening) and here are 25 fruit crumbles, crisps and cobblers for you to peruse through....
* Peanut Butter Rice Cereal Bars. No butter, no df margarine needed here. Just be sure no-one you're serving has a peanut allergy.....
1 cup light corn syrup
1/2 c up white sugar
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
1 1/2 cups salted creamy peanut butter
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 cups crisp rice cereal
Line a 13x9 inch baking pan with wax or parchment paper.
Combine corn syrup and sugars in a large saucepan over a medium heat. Stir to combine. Bring to a boil, then remove from heat.
Stir in peanut butter and mix well. Stir in vanilla and cereal. Spread into the baking pan. Let cool and then cut up. Enjoy! (from Parade magazine).
(Please feel free to email in your questions for future 'Ask Auntie Fi' posts to: fionacharisbrown@gmail.com)
I am a legal alien in this amazing country (USA). I desire to be the best wife, mother and friend I can be. I love life and I want above all else, to be used by God. I write to encourage you – to be honest with you – to prove that we are not to ‘do this life’ alone. We have much to learn from each other.
You can read more about Fiona and her journey into the light on her blog: A Little Bit Of Honesty.
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