Earth Monkey Moms

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Delightful Dessert Ideas (that just happen to be Dairy and Egg Free)

This week Mrs R happened to send me a little note, requesting some ideas for dairy free and egg free desserts. Having some dietary restrictions myself (I have celiac disease), I know how hard it can be to get some sweet stuff that doesn't cost an arm and a leg, or leave you with a weird aftertaste. And those of us with real dietary restrictions find that dessert is the thing we miss out on the most, the course that is hardest to be fully catered for, so I'm very happy to oblige here with a few ideas.

I set myself the challenge of thinking of some desserts that are:
A. Yummy. Taste is everything.
B. Don't require expensive 'extra' ingredients
C. Don't require expensive 'substitutions' for 'dairy and/ or egg' ingredients.
D. Can be made by the most anti-Martha among us ie. Lindsay. :-)

So.........some desserts that are decidedly delightful and just happen to be dairy free and egg free.....

* Fondue - Most dark chocolates are dairy free. Check the ingredients list though....when dealing with food allergies you become an expert label reader....(major allergen ingredients like soy, wheat, dairy etc are always listed in bold). Melt some dark chocolate and have a selection of fruit and marshmallows ready to dip. You can thin the chocolate with some coconut milk or almond milk if it is too thick for your liking. Great fruits to dip include: fresh pineapple, strawberries, orange segments, kiwi, apricots (dried or fresh), fresh nectarines, and bananas.

* Sorbet - Not just for extremely fancy pantsy dinner parties to be used as palate cleansers...sorbets are a wonderful dessert - full of flavor and it is a lot cheaper to make this at home, than to buy a pint of dairy free ice-cream. Some recipes require an ice-cream maker, others are fine to do completely by hand. A simple google search will set you straight. This link here will start you off with a fine selection of flavours ranging from strawberry-black pepper to lemonade iced tea sorbet.

* Jello - When I was an itty bitty girl my Grandma would make a bowl of jello, but would throw some fruit in it that would set at the top of the jello....it resulted in something quite special and made us kids feel like we were eating a million dollar dessert....A pretty glass bowl with a red jello in it, with a layer of raspberries on top. Magic. Or you could do individual servings if you have pretty little bowls.

* Fruit and Marshmallow kebab sticks. Cut up a selection of fruit into pieces as similar in size as possible and thread onto a kebab stick along with marshmallows. Just beware, those kebab sticks once emptied can quickly become weapons......

* Popcorn cake - yeah this. But just beware - don't use butter coated popcorn in your cake, and substitute the butter in the recipe with df margarine - it will work just as well. I promise. 'Snyder's of Hanover' brand of pretzel sticks are dairy and egg free. As far as candy goes....m and ms are not dairy free, but Skittles are dairy free and egg free.

* Fruit crumble or crisp. A nice option for a wintry night. The Internet is full of recipes for crumbles and crisps...basically you just have a base layer of fruit (canned peaches, or fresh/ frozen blueberries, or apples or pears or whatever. This is then topped with mixture of some kind of flour/ sugar/ spice/ rolled oats mix crumbled together with some shortening. And cooked. No eggs in sight. Here are a few recipes to get you started: Apple or Peach Crisp, Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal Crisp note use the coconut oil option in this recipe, not the butter. Summer Berry Crisp (just swap the butter out for df margarine or shortening) and here are 25 fruit crumbles, crisps and cobblers for you to peruse through....

* Peanut Butter Rice Cereal Bars. No butter, no df margarine needed here. Just be sure no-one you're serving has a peanut allergy.....
1 cup light corn syrup
1/2 c up white sugar
1/2 cup packed light brown sugar
1 1/2 cups salted creamy peanut butter
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
4 cups crisp rice cereal

Line a 13x9 inch baking pan with wax or parchment paper.
Combine corn syrup and sugars in a large saucepan over a medium heat. Stir to combine. Bring to a boil, then remove from heat.
Stir in peanut butter and mix well. Stir in vanilla and cereal. Spread into the baking pan. Let cool and then cut up. Enjoy! (from Parade magazine).

(Please feel free to email in your questions for future 'Ask Auntie Fi' posts to: fionacharisbrown@gmail.com)

I am a legal alien in this amazing country (USA). I desire to be the best wife, mother and friend I can be. I love life and I want above all else, to be used by God. I write to encourage you – to be honest with you – to prove that we are not to ‘do this life’ alone. We have much to learn from each other.

You can read more about Fiona and her journey into the light on her blog: A Little Bit Of Honesty.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Best Teacher Gifts

Once upon a time there was a lady whose parents loved her very much. Christmastime was just around the corner when the parents said to the lady, ‘What would you like for Christmas? Make a list for us’. Being the good and dutiful daughter that she was, the lady made a list and sent it off to her parents. Christmastime arrived and parcels galore were delivered to the lady’s house. What was it the parental units had chosen for the lady? Was it be to the new cookie sheets upon which she could bake tasty treats for her family? Was it to be ‘The Pioneer Woman’s’ latest cookbook? Or another choice from the varied list of thoughtful and practical gifts, given to her parents (with direct links to the amazon pages)?

The time came to open the lady’s Christmas box.

In it was a most unexpected gift.

Not the cookie sheets. Not the cookbook. Not even the suggested gravy boat. In fact it was none of the items that had been carefully handpicked and put on the special list.

No, in the box was a case-load of roasted seaweed treats. Annie Chun’s Sesame Seaweed Snacks. 24 bags of them.

A practical joke?

No, my friends, this was indeed a situation of the parents thinking they were being thoughtful, thinking they could offer a great gift. A treat.

Well.....let’s just say the lady thought it was indeed a surprise. And left it at that. Next year she’s asking for money.

When this post hits the interwebby, my boys will have 16 ½ days of this school year left. The countdown is well and truly on.....and lots of parents are starting to think about thank you gifts for teachers. Now if the thought hadn’t even crossed your mind yet - then maybe this post can be a prompt of sorts....a push in the right direction.

Now to make sure that I’m not writing out of my own thoughts, and not being like the parents in my illustration above and thinking that I’m being thoughtful with my gift-giving, but really I’m way off mark......I approached a whole bunch of teacher friends and asked for their opinions on the whole area of gifts. Thank you gifts and Christmas gifts.

First of all let me make it clear that no teacher out there expects a thank you present and/ or a Christmas present. They don’t keep a roll of which kids give what gifts, and there are no groups of teachers in the staffroom comparing their piles of loot. No ma’am. But while there are no expectations there, they certainly do appreciate the presents they do receive. And I’d just like to say that next to whoever the adults are at home in a child’s life, their teacher is the next most important person in their life. Think of the sheer number of hours they spend together....not mention the time the teacher spends marking, planning, assessing, gathering resources, liaising with other staff and school support people...get my drift? Teachers invest so much into our children. (At this point in this blog post if you dare bring up the whole ‘but teachers get all that summer vacation time’ crap, then I promise you I will punch you in the face). (In love, of course).

OK - so while I personally think teachers deserve our thanks and encouragement ALL year, and not just for one week in May, or on the last day of school for the year.....here are some thoughts on gift giving to teachers.....as told to me by teachers.....by the teachers, for the teachers.....

The Best Gifts.

* Some of the very best gifts are the ones where we as the parents have taken a little time to get to know the teachers and have made the effort to make the gift appropriate to them......

* Homemade gifts - small and personal.

* Lovely handmade Christmas decorations (note that says handmade...not homemade :-), although sometimes they can be one and the same....sometimes...just not in my house)

* Gift cards to local restaurants and cafes

* Even a card with thanks in it and a personal note can really mean a lot - no need for masses of money to be spent.

* One of my teacher friends received a personalized bracelet that she wears nearly every day - and when she wears it reminds her of the love her students have for her.

* Gift cards to a mall

* ‘Cultural’ gifts - for example a green tea set or lacquered jewelry box

From the files of the gifts that were truly given....some memorable for good reasons, others.....not so good...yet still very memorable....

* A dozen fresh green eggs laid by araucana chickens

* One teacher had a seven year old walk around their house, filling a bag with items to ‘bless’ his teacher with...one of those items was a handy dandy tooth flosser which had already been used and had food stuck to it. True story.

* Underwear and silk pjs.

So, while pinterest may be full of good ideas such as a bouquet of pencils, made to look like a bouquet of flowers...I fear if I did that mine would just look like a pile of pencils.....Before stocking up on yellow number 2s, you may want to consider if your child’s teacher really would appreciate that....going into summer break.....I dunno....I’m thinking a nice red wine (IF they like a touch of vino) or a voucher to the movies (IF they like movies) or a gift card to a bookshop (IF they like to read for pleasure) might be more of a treat to them.....all it takes is getting to know them a little. If you want to be really sneaky, clever, see if the teacher has a pinterest account and gather some good ideas from their 'pins' of what they like.......

And if you happen to have a seven year old whose main love language is gift giving.....you may want to make sure those used tooth flossers end up in the trash and stay in the trash......

(Please feel free to email in your questions for future 'Ask Auntie Fi' posts to: fionacharisbrown@gmail.com)

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Happy (Early) Mothers' Day

For the good days, and the bad days, and the very very very bad days. Watch this. Listen to the words. Be encouraged.

Mighty. You are mighty, because you Mother.

Ask Auntie Fi: The right start?

You know when you bring home a brand new baby from the hospital, and then you start taking your precious little family on outings, you get dear old Aunt Myrtle telling you 'Make the most of these days, they fly by so fast'. Yep...well.....it does seem like that......one day you're dealing with poo explosions that require a bath and a new set of clothes, and then the next day.......you're picking a preschool for your bambino. Yet the days can seem so long.....weird huh.

In my inbox this week was the question:

How do I choose the right preschool? What are some things I need to think about, regarding this decision? - Mrs D

Mrs D, to answer your question I sought out the advice of a very wise man. A very wise man indeed. Pastor Dale Bitterling knows a lot about a lot of things, just like the Cat in the Hat, but unlike with the Cat and the Hat, I know I could seek Pastor Dale's advice on any of the parenting/ relationship/ teaching/ pastoral type questions that come my way....I asked him to put his 'Director of Sonshine Early Learning Centre' hat on to help us with this question.

Pastor Dale says:

Picking the right preschool/daycare is a very important issue and taking the time to ask the right questions and then finding the right answers for your family is not something most people do, so I give you credit for approaching the issue. Most people pick their childcare center based on the ‘3P’s’ (proximity, price and people they know), which are important factors, but are far from the only factors. When I meet with a family, here are the questions I encourage them to ask about themselves and about the different centers they will be visiting (to stick to your question, I will focus mainly on preschool issues):

1.       What are the things you want from a preschool? Do you want heavy academics? Lots of play time? Foreign language immersion? A Christian environment? Music lessons? Sign language? Multi-cultural population? Special needs kids? Will they pick up/drop off your child? What do they do for snacks/lunch? How many days a week is preschool? What hours? What is the staff to student ratio you are looking for? Do they do ‘extra’ things (holiday programs, family reading nights, field trips, etc)?   Will they help you transition to the next phase of education (usually kindergarten)? Think these things through to know what you are looking for.

2.       How responsive is the center to your questions and needs? Did they offer to give you a tour? Can you stop in any time you want? Can/will they answer your questions? Can you observe a class? Can you meet the Director? Will they take your suggestions and feedback? You want a center that wants to partner with you, not do their job while you do yours. Are they willing to tell you that they are not a good fit for your family and refer you to another center? As a Preschool Director, that is a tough thing to do, but I have on several occasions when it became obvious a family was looking for things we did not offer. Good centers want you in the right place, not just their place and we recognize we are not the only good center in town.

3.       How safe/secure will your child be in the center? What’s the neighborhood like? What are their security measures/policies? How will they prevent unwanted people from checking your child out of the center, especially if the child knows the person? How easy would it by for your child to run into traffic or fall into a dangerous water source? How safe does the playground area look? When outside, will your child be on grass or cement? What kinds of families are represented at the center? This may sound tacky, but it is an important question.

4.       How child-friendly is the center? How did they decorate? What’s the furniture like? Are there many toys? Is there any child-made art on the walls? What do their indoor and outdoor play areas consist of? Do the kids look happy? Most centers truly care about kids and do a good job. However, there are those that just ‘warehouse’ the kids. It’s a business and they are in it for the money, so the more they have to spend on things like good staff and stuff for the kids, the less money they make.

5.       What does the center sound like? Is it too loud/chaotic? Is it too quiet? How are the staff speaking to the children? Laughter is a good sound. A little crying or the occasional child tantrum is a normal sound. Adults yelling or threatening is a bad sound.

6.       How professional is the center? Do they have a web site? Is the paint peeling and the furniture all dinged up? Is there someone to greet you when you arrive? Is there someone to answer the phones? What is the staff turnover (how long have most employees been there? High turnover is a problem)? Is it clean and sanitary (which is different than messy. If you have kids enjoying themselves, you probably have a mess). What’s it smell like? What does it look like on the outside? How does the staff dress? How old is the staff (too old and too young are both bad signs)? How do you check the kids in and out?

7.       Who monitors the center? Is the center certified? Who does background checks and how often? What training is required of the staff? How often do they have fire, health, and sanitation inspections? How open are they to letting you see documentation of those things? Who do you call if you have a concern or complaint about the center? Believe it or not, private preschools and daycares are not required to be certified by the county or state. Most are, but not all. If you are not careful, you may end up in a center that has never been inspected and no one is monitoring the staff. Certified centers have a Certifier and their name and contact information should be prominently posted near the entrance and the message that you should call if you have any issues.

8.       Do they have a Parent Manual? What are their discipline policies? What do they do in case of an emergency? What do they do if your child is having a bad day? How willing are they to contact you? What do they do with sick children? You want good communication with the center and how to make that happen should be found in the parent manual.

9.       What is the reputation of the center? How long have they been open? What is their reputation in the community? Seek out other parents. Ask other preschools. Ask the center if you can talk to their current parents. Be careful about only looking at online reviews as people quickly post negative feedback but rarely post positive feedback. Be very wary if a center has lots of bad or lots of good reviews (too many good reviews often means somebody seeded the source to get their ratings up).

10.   Trust your gut instincts. If you find yourself having to talk yourself into accepting a particular center, look elsewhere. Somewhere out there is the right fit for you and your family. Remember, you child is probably not older than four, so they will not be able to give you a good picture of what is happening to them when they are at preschool. You need to be comfortable with and trust your choice. This is one of the most important decisions you will ever make.

Aren't they good points to consider? That's why I bring in the big guns to share their advice here.

I also asked for advice from a friend of mine who teaches in a public preschool in New Zealand, and has been teaching for thirteen years.

Miriam says:

1. - Make sure you visit the Pre-School. Sounds maybe a silly thing, but you'll pretty much know immediately from your first walk into a place whether it is a place you'd like your child to be at. Go along during a 'session' so you can see the teachers and children in action. You'll know if it's the place for you by the vibe you get: from people, and the environment. Watch the children - are they happy and settled? This doesn't mean that there isn't a little bit of chaos (what centre wouldn't have a bit of mayhem at times?! ) but is there a general feel that children are respected, challenged, encouraged, and loved?

For us in NZ, Early Childhood education is ALL about relationships, with parents, children, whānau (greater sense of family). Building strong, trusting, and reciprocal relationships is the foundation for awesome early childhood development!

This can be fine tuned a bit by looking for some quality indicators, such as teacher/child ratios, depth of conversations, rate of staff turn over, experiences provided, environment etc. Ask questions.. no one should be afraid to answer them!

2. - After the main thing of 'vibe' (for want of a better term), check out whatever you can in the way of state reporting, Facebook comments from others, what others have said about the place etc. This gives opinion from a wider perspective and you get to hear from outsiders without judgment.

But basically, I recommend them on how you feel walking into a place

So once again, trust your gut instincts, make some judgement calls on how you feel about what you see, hear and feel.

What if you just can't afford preschool?

My own dime's worth: I'm a believer in Early Childhood Education. I've had one child who had two years in a public preschool that was heavily subsidized by the New Zealand government and ended up costing us diddly squat. (Now every three and four year old in NZ is entitled to twenty hours a week of entirely free early childhood education). When my middle boy was at the age where he would have been in preschool in NZ, we were in America, and we fell into the bracket where paying for preschool was unreachable, but we were not entitled to state-funded preschool. I did stress a little. I felt like my kid was missing out. I fretted that he would not have the social skills necessary for coping with school. I felt like I was letting him down. But you know what? We survived and we thrived. I did however play hours and hours of Candyland. Hours and hours.

All this to say.........if you're reading this post and you're feeling a bit helpless, if you're like me and had the choice of eating lentils for four meals a week and send your kid to preschool, or keep him home and being able to pay your other bills, it is ok. It really is. There are a gazillion things to do at home to cover some early learning objectives, plus there's pinterest with ideas galore. I do think that the best 'learning' with preschoolers actually comes through play and in particular board games and puzzles. There's a whole bunch of early maths in puzzles and games, plus the whole area of learning to win and to loose graciously. Did I mention the hours and hours of Candyland that I played with a particular boy?

As far as the social aspect of life for a preschooler goes......if you can get involved in a Mom's group then that would be ideal. Then you've got instant friends your child's age, and most likely find some other people in the same situation as you. Story time at your public library is also good practice with making sure your kid can learn to sit still and listen to another adult. As well as Sunday School, and Cubies (AWANA) and sports and other hobbies and clubs.

So don't despair - if you're in the position of looking for a preschool for your family, then use the advice from Pastor Dale and my teacher friend Miriam, and enjoy the 'hunt'. If you're not looking for a preschool right now, even though you may have that desire......don't fret.

Don't underestimate the learning that happens just through shared experiences at home.

(And not to brag, but to reassure you, my boy who had no formal preschool learning under his belt.....he's a grade ahead in math and reading and he's well-loved in his class, no thanks to me, but many thanks to those hours and hours of Candyland).

(Please feel free to email in your questions for future 'Ask Auntie Fi' posts to: fionacharisbrown@gmail.com)

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Ask Auntie Fi: Superpowers??

I’m sad to report that my inbox for 'Auntie Fi' questions is empty. There are no new questions there. Nada. However all is not lost, while this drought is occurring I get to stand on my soapbox. Watch out world...once I get started, there is no stopping me.....

Seems to me that we’re all sitting on individual ‘goldmines’. While it would be rather lovely if we all struck oil underneath our humble abodes for reals, or found a deep and glittering vein of real gold in our backyards, what I reckon we have is actually better than all of that.

I’m pretty sure that both you and I are perching on top of our own secret stash of superpowers. Now I’m the first to acknowledge that I am no Superwoman. Nope. I learnt a long time ago that she just doesn’t exist, so if you’re trying to be her, STOP. NOW. But that’s another blog post for another day. No, while we may not be superwomen, we ALL do have superpowers, and the capacity of what could be achieved if we all tapped into these superpowers is huge. Limitless.

We have at our disposal the power of shared experience.

Parenting can be such a lonely journey. A hard journey. A thankless journey. However when we go through hard times and when we have someone come alongside us, affirming us in the choices we’re making, and speaking from their own experiences - good and bad, successful or not, it can make such a positive difference.

Shared experience. It means knowing you’re not alone, knowing you’re not a freak of nature, knowing you’re not a failure.

Shared experience. It means knowing your mistakes and victories can add value to others.

Shared experience. It doesn’t mean being a blabbermouth and feeling like we have to comment on absolutely everyone’s facebook status. It doesn’t mean having and sharing an opinion on everything that passes in front of your computer screen. Or to everything said in your Moms’ group. Know-it-alls don’t carry a lot of clout.

Shared experience. It does mean using a little tact, using a little privacy and ‘being there’, really being there for people. Sincere encouragement. Being intentional with your circle of influence, the people around you.

I’m a firm believer that ‘nothing is for nought’. Our going through ‘stuff’ can often be the one and only key in relating to others. What better person to come alongside a new Mom, who is sleep-deprived and fighting the baby blues, than someone who has been there, done that and can still remember exactly how it made that Mom feel, how it tainted the way she sees things. In my own life from my experience with miscarriages and struggles with infertility, I know the very real and raw emotions that someone else facing these issues is feeling.

We all have these shared experiences that we’re just sitting on...and sometimes we reach out to others, and sometimes we don’t. We fear what others think. We fear coming across as nosey or interfering. So we hold back. We keep these gifts of encouragement to ourselves.

And the thing about all of this, is it isn’t just a good idea. Not just a nice thing to do. Nah, someone a lot wiser and a lot more thoughtful than me created this whole notion.....

Our brothers conquered him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they did not cling to their lives even in the face of death. - Revelation 12: 11
The word of your testimony is something that cannot be taken from you. There is such power in the truth of where you’ve come from, of what you’ve been rescued from, lessons you’ve learnt along life’s paths. And these words of your testimonies, and of mine, they are for sharing. They are for others, and they are God honouring.

These ‘goldmines’ we’re sitting on........ the gold is safe while we’re not doing anything with it. No-one knows about the depth of our ‘loot’ and the value of it, while it is still covered up, while we’re not moving the earth around it. But us women, we like our bling, we like our ‘pretties’......'bring on the gold and the gemstones' is really our heart’s cry....By digging into our reserves of ‘gold’, our shared experiences, we’re dressing our friends in fine jewels, we’re adding value to their lives.

While the safe option is always to be quiet, to keep our thoughts to ourselves, to keep the gold well hidden, the braver option and the option that is the most helpful to all, is to share our experiences, in truth and in love, with much tact and sincerity. That’s a superpower we have as women, and as friends. Shared experiences. The word of our testimony.

(Please feel free to email in your questions for future 'Ask Auntie Fi' posts to: fionacharisbrown@gmail.com)

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Ask Auntie Fi: Little girls with BIG emotions......

'So my little princess is 7 and sometimes she has days where she is like a CRAZY PMS ing teenager! She cries, gets totally dramatic, and screams all at "nothing". (Well, maybe its directed toward her 4 year old brother just a smidge.) Anyway, I do not know what to do about it! It does not seem like any reasonable discipline does any good and since I'm not an emotional person myself, I don't get it! Is it a hormonal issue and this is a glimpse into our future or is there something else going on that is a normal thing for girls her age to experience??? HELP! ;)'

Sooooooooo Earth Monkey's founder Gena recently posted this very question on the Earth Monkey's Facebook page, and this particular status received a LOT of feedback. A LOT. Seems to me that part of her question has been answered already......she is NOT the only one dealing with a roller coaster emotional princess and there were a great many suggestions regarding the use of wine, chocolate and prayer as necessary parenting aids.

I'm all for the use of those aforementioned parenting aids, but let's take this opportunity to dig a little deeper.......why do girls, little girls, get so emotional? Why can they be so dramatic at times? And how can we as parents react in the best way to their mood swings? And what happens when they take things too far?

Let me be crystal clear here I'm certainly not talking from experience here. When we were expecting our third child, I had thought surely now is the time for us to bring into the world an 'Elie Rachel'. This time, maybe, just maybe there would be tutus and pointe shoes in my horizon......wrong.....when the time came for my ultrasound there was no doubt that babe had a wee willie winkie......and thus Asher Jacob joined boy one and boy two. So......to help me out with these questions I'm getting a boatload of help from Dr James Dobson and Diane Levy.

Dr Dobson explains that "because the female brain is not subjected to a comparable surge of testosterone in the womb and beyond (like male brains do), its communicative and emotional centers remain intact. A girl's corpus callosum (rope of fibers that connects the right hemisphere of the brain, where emotion is processed, with the left where language is focused) is up to 25 % larger than a Male's and becomes an eight-lane superhighway capable of carrying great quantities of emotional information from one side of the brain to the other. (For boys it is a country road). As a result, a girl is more likely to be more expressive and emotional than most boys almost from birth. She will feel more deeply and respond to subtle clues in her environment that boys are likely to miss."

We're dealing with eight-lane superhighways people!! Those little princesses of yours are wired to feel everything. Everything. Sooooooooo how do we as parents/ aunties/ grandparents/ teachers etc deal with these massive emotions that result in meltdowns, of chernobyl proportions or out of control behaviour?

Dobson says: (his words in bold)

1. Teach respect for authority while your children are young. Display a confident firmness in your demeanor. (We are not our kids' friend....)

2. Define the boundaries before they are enforced. Establish reasonable expectations and boundaries.

3. Distinguish between willful defiance and childish irresponsibility. Also consider the other factors going on too....late nights? hot weather that has drained the child? I'm convinced that we as parents often get the 'leftovers' of our children...they give their best all day at school, then after school activities and then we get.....the leftovers.....

4. Reassure and teach after the confrontation is over. Make sure you explain the objective of your discipline (assuming you have just disciplined Little Miss for her behaviour - if it was...going to point 2.....over and above and beyond the boundaries you have previously established.....(you hold the keys to everything your little girl wants and needs: permission to do things, transportation, allowances, coveted clothing, access to electronics - you can dole out the privileges and consequences as you see fit - as you have previously established).

5. Avoid putting impossible demands on your children.

6. Let love be your guide.

Now how are we to respond when the little girlies in our lives turn on us? When their emotions get the better of them and they fire 'verbal arrows' at us? Diane Levy says that these arrows 'have potential to do enormous harm'. Words such as 'I don't like you', 'I hate you', 'You're not the boss of me'. Girls are pretty quick with their words. Levy suggests there are three things you can do when your Little Miss is firing arrows at you:

1. Take it in the chest. It is not recommended to take the comment personally. Don't reprimand her and tell her that it was not a kind thing to say. Don't look very, very hurt, sulk, cry or demand an apology. The problem with taking an arrow in the chest is that there is blood all over the carpet - and it is yours.

2. Fire it right back. Another approach I do not recommend us to fire the arrow right back. Don't tell her she is grounded, don't wonder whether she would speak to her classroom teacher like that etc. The problem with 'firing the arrow right back' is that there is blood all over the carpet and it is your child's.

3. Identify it and let it whistle past. Recognise that the comment is just a response - it just not require your intervention. Unless you have a real love for battlefields, the best thing you can do is to think, 'That was an arrow', move your head to one side, and let is whistle past your ear. And if you absolutely need to say something, mumble a response along the lines of uh huh (nondescript grunt), how amazing, really? (said in a very puzzled manner) or 'I'll have to think about that one'.......

Levy says that by showing emotional support and emotional distance, we can diffuse chernobyl situations more easily and quicker than by engaging in the battle.

Soooooooo. I'd love it if some of you try out these ideas.....and then let us all know how it went......your little girls are not drama queens because they want to take centre-stage....a lot of the time they just can't control all of the emotions they are feeling all at once.....but that is not to say they should be able to get away with stepping over and around the boundaries you have established in your homes.

Do you have anything to add? Something you would do differently? Anything that has worked for you? DO share........

(Please feel free to email in your questions to: fionacharisbrown@gmail.com)

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Ask Auntie Fi: Following Doctors' Orders? Or not......

Ever taken a little cherub of yours to the Doc and come away feeling a little......underwhelmed......or overwhelmed........or have you questioned exactly what they have diagnosed and/or prescribed and wanted to treat things in a different way?......here's a question that came my way:

"I've been dealing with 'opinions' from individuals who want to pressure me to do things differently with the care of my sick daughter. And being the 'quick to respond' type that I am, it just ends up with hurt feelings on both sides. So I'm wondering what some other mommas would say/do in those situations. This specific circumstance is with my daughter having pneumonia and being treated with a laundry list of meds & my desire to use a more natural approach... Tough situation but its hard not to let it bother me or simply ignore it when I truly feel I'm doing what's right for my child.

I hope I'm not the only momma who finds herself in situations like this, and I'd love to hear what other mommas think or how they would respond." - Ms S

Hmmmmm. Things that make you go hmmmmmmm. I'm so glad I have clever friends. To answer this question I sought out the help of a friend of mine who is a Mom (to a college student and a high schooler), she's also a Christian, and she's quite possibly the best and loveliest general practitioner in the whole wide world. I'm not biased at all, nope, not me - the evidence speaks for itself - people travel from all over the city (sorry my American friends, she's in Auckland, NZ) to see her and her practice is full, chocka block full. And I'm not one bit embarrassed that she's seen me (not just talking about a sore throat here people!) yet I can still look her in the eye over a good latte....Anyhooo....Dr Anna Tabuteau is as good as it gets and here are her thoughts on this matter:

Pneumonia is a deep lung infection which of course is usually bacterial and can be fatal if left untreated by antibiotics. There are of course other causes; occasionally viruses, atypical organisms such as Tuberculosis etc etc but without knowing the child's past history etc bacteria are the most likely causes of community acquired pneumonia in an otherwise well child.

There are some simple infections which can be treated quite effectively with natural remedies eg, simple upper respiratory tract infections, uncomplicated Otis media but pneumonia if correctly diagnosed is not one of these.

Whilst most doctors recognise the importance of parental input into decision making and respect their right to chose a more natural approach to treatment we have to remember that modern medicine is also a God given gift, that we are so privileged to be living in the age of antibiotics which can treat infections such as pneumonia quickly and effectively without risking a lingering illness that goes on for weeks and can be fatal.

I've been reading an amazing book by Nick Vujicic, here's a quote that may be helpful;

"Most people dealing with serious health problems or severe disabilities put faith into action every day in some way. Often it is faith in their doctors and nurses or in their pills,treatment and medical equipment. Accepting professional medical care is consistent with having faith. God has given you the opportunity to be served by trained and talented people. If you are thirsty,you might like to have it quenched supernaturally, but you surely would accept a cup of water handed to you by a caring person,wouldn't you? It's the same with God's leading your decisions (to accept treatment) as you walk in faith."

My own dime's worth: I think what is key here Ms S is partnership. For us as parents to walk hand in hand with health professionals and to know our concerns are being heard, and to know when to seek a second opinion if you're just not happy. At the end of the day you are the parent and you can't feel bad for when you truly think you're doing the right thing for your child, but by partnering with a good family doctor, you're actually relying on an expert's help to fill in the gaps where our knowledge is spotty. And I know I certainly didn't go to medical school for however many years....and my student loan thanks me for that......

As Nick Vujicic says when you're dealing with health problems you're putting faith into action every day.

When my youngest was born he had jaundice issues and his pediatrician was concerned and he was very close to being admitted for light treatment.....however.....seeing as he was our third child and we'd dealt with jaundice before and since we kept in close communication with the doc, we were able to do it 'our way' and treat him at home - because of our partnership with the expert - his doc. Partnership is the key.....not what your friends say or think, not what dear old Aunt Betty says they did in her day......but partnership between us and the professionals, the experts in their fields, and if you don't feel your feelings are being validated - find another doctor.

Now come on readers......every one of you has an opinion.....I've been really surprised at the lack of responses these 'Ask Auntie Fi' posts have had.......I don't expect everyone to agree with me, and I know you ALL have valuable input to share....

Come on, what do you think? When is it ok for parents to treat their kids naturally? How would you react to others who disagreed with your treatment choice?

Do you have a good relationship with your Doc? You may not be able to chat over a latte like I can with mine....but how can you make sure your opinion is voiced and heard, and even validated?